Who do I think I am?

Play and read while it's playing.

In case you're wondering why I want you to listen to music, it's because I want music to match and give a feel to what I'm writing about.  Sometimes the lyrics match what I'm writing about, sometimes it's just the feel that the music has.  Enjoy!

I've been leading worship for maybe about 4 or 5 years total.  I had a long break for about a year that ended a few months ago.  I've been leading at my church youth group, I've led at my college group about 4 times and I had two churches ask me to play at them recently.

The thing is, I'm not a great musician at all.  Guitar is an instrument that you can slide by not really knowing anything about music.  Unfortunately, as I've found out, it's still really hard to slide by.

God's grace is the only thing that makes me worthy and capable of leading worship.  That is the only explanation of why someone who sometimes can't: keep rhythm, sing on key, not lose his voice during pre-worship practice and forgets chords, is leading worship.  God sees me as worthy and makes me worthy.

I always feel attacked by spiritually before leading, the enemy always reminds that I'm not worthy and that I sound awful.  So I always seek spiritual counsel.

Before worship I asked my friend to pray with me.  He did, and then proceeded to tell me something.  He told me that since everyone knows me, sees my heart, knows who I am, that it doesn't matter how I sound.  Those who know me, will connect with God regardless partly because of my relationship with them.  Those who will comment on the music probably aren't very focused on God anyway.

God will be glorified regardless of how I sound.  Let's be honest, who do I think I am, that I can get in the way of God?  That's a pretty conceited thing to think that I can somehow ruin worship and keep God's will from happening.

So worship started, and was going really great.  I was worshipping God.  About three songs in I started losing focus.  Luckily, then we had a time that we were all supposed to pray individually.  I started praying hardcore about the rest of worship, that I can worship God joyfully, stay focused on Him and that He would play through me.

After I finished my prayer, a friend walks up to the stage and hands me a note.  Keep in mind, everyone else was still playing, so it wasn't distracting or anything.

Now, I'm still getting used to this kind of stuff happening.  This is only the second time I've gotten a direct message from God.  For most of my christianhood, I went to a church where the holy spirit was restricted.  That's not the case at this church.  God speaks through people.

The note said:

Dear Landon,

With me behind you, who can stop you?

I see your service, and thank you for doing it selflessly!

In your service my light is spread.  You are my son,

and the desires of your heart are not unnoticed.

Rest in my love and my peace,

-God

That was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact time.

God backs up my ministry, He sees what is being done as good and as being done with a good heart.

I really just wanted to keep sharing with you all how God can be super active in your life if you let Him.  You can also do really sweet things.  I wouldn't be leading worship off my own power, I am in no way good enough, but God opened that door and pushed me through it.

Not my will

As a lot of you may know, I've been on the job search lately and have had no luck.

I've put out about 40 applications.

I've come to realize more and more lately, that I am way too involved in this.  Now, that may not make sense... but if you look at the first two sentences I wrote, pay attention to who is doing the searching.

Let me explain...

So two weeks ago, I got a phone call and an email from Verizon wanting to do an interview.  I waited a day to respond just to pray about it and think about it some more.  Leney and I decided that I should just go through with it since I have nothing else to do right now.  It's not the ideal job, but it's a job.

That same day we decided to go through with it, a random guy walked up to me and told me God wants me to stop worrying about getting a job.  I don't know if all of you believe in that kind of thing.  But that stuff still happens and it's biblical.

I've never experienced that before.

That's kind of frustrating really, I am so ready to start working again, but God had something else in mind.  I took that as, if I were already planning on doing the will of the Lord, why would He say anything?  God spoke so clearly.

Yesterday at the college church group that I go to, during worship God broke me down.  The second song, physically sat me in my chair.  I have never felt physically pushed by God before.

The first verse goes:

"I can't comprehend your infinitely beautiful and perfect love.

Oh I've dreamed dreams of majesty as brilliant as a billion stars,

But they're never bright enough after all."

The first line reminds me that God loves me and is in control, but I can't always understand it.

The second two lines, really just kind of punched me in the face.

I have spent so much time, trying to do these huge awesome things.  Clearly it is all in vain, because the  big, majestic things I seek aren't nearly as big and majestic as God's plans for me.

During worship, two bible verses came to mind, and I looked them up.

Deuteronomy 8 talks about not forgetting the Lord.  The latter part of it talks about remembering that we only have what we have because God has given it to us.  I can't get a job on my own.  God has to provide it.  I can't get it on my own strength, God can.

James 1:27

"Religion that God the Father accepts as pure and faultless is this;

to look after orphans and widows in distress and to keep

oneself from being polluted by the world."

That verse says two things.  The first is that God's desire is that He wants us to follow Him by serving the hurting, innocent, poor, broken and lost.  The second part is to keep ourselves pure and out of the world.  We shouldn't waste time seeking after things of this world, rather seek after Him and to care after the hurting, innocent, poor, broken and lost.

I know big things are coming.  The verse from James is something that God has always placed on my heart.  Even when I volunteer at Social Services, my heart breaks for the single moms taking care of their kids and how they can't even feed them.  

My heart breaks for the broken.  I know that's where God is leading me, I just need to pay attention and find my strength, confidence, and hope in the Lord.

Of Want and Misery

I've listened to this band a long time now.  Unfortunately, they broke up a few years back.  Even though this album is pretty old, it's one of my favorites.

As Cities Burn- Of Want and Misery
I watched you float away on a wave of want and misery
now I've got to find you
I watched you float away on whatever caught your eye
now I've got to find you
'cause I've got to keep your head above the water
while the current pulls me under

I will hang my life in the space between the noose and your neck
I won't let you die just yet

I will love you even when you won't let me
and you will kill me by doing nothing
but I know it's not you, my dear,
I know it's not you
I know it's not you, my dear,
it's the nothing that kills

I can't save you
control is something out of mine
no, I can't save you
control is something out of my control

I will love you even when you won't let me
and you will kill me by doing nothing
but I know it's not you, my dear,
I know it's not you
I know it's not you, my dear,
it's the nothing that kills

I can't save you but I will love you
no, I can't save you but I will love you
I'd like to think that this is love
lost in second chances without end
this is romance

I have always kind of viewed this as a letter from God to us.  This song is passionate, gentle, heartfelt and intense.

        "I will hang my life in the space between the noose and your neck
I won't let you die just yet."

The song talks about how God stands by you and waits for you even when you don't want Him.  This line says that you're never out of God's reach.  You're always safe in the palm of God's hands, even if things seem grim.

"I will love you even when you won't let me
and you will kill me by doing nothing"

God is right beside us, loving us... even when we don't love Him.

This last stanza really sums things up.

 "I'd like to think that this is love
lost in second chances without end.
This is romance"

That's exactly what it is.  God's love is full of abounding second chances.

Unconditional love.

Grace.

Mercy.

That is true romance.

Our God

Every now and then, there is a song that I just can't seem to get out of my head.  Ever since I went to Passion Conference I just can't forget this one song.  Just listen, read and please be encouraged by the song.

Chris Tomlin- Our God

Water, you turned into wine

Opened the eyes of the blind

There's no one like you

None like you

Into the darkness, you shine

Out of the ashes, we rise

There's no one like you

None like you

Our God is greater

Our God is stronger

God, you are higher than any other

Our God is healer

Awesome in power

Our God, our God

And if our God is for us

Then who could ever stop us

And if our God is with us

Then what could stand against

It's just this huge, building anthem that expresses our faith in the awesome, powerful God.

I love the chorus that talks about our God being greater, stronger, a healer and above everything.  The God we serve is SO BIG.

The last part is what really gets me.  God is on our side, the God of the universe, the God over everything and He gives us His favor.

Sin, sorrow, pain, everything bad in the world... is defeated.

27 Million

This past week I went to the Passion Conference in Atlanta, Georgia.  The conference is hosted by Passion City Church which includes: Louie Giglio (the senior pastor), the worship band (Chris Tomlin, Kristian Stanfill and others) and church members directing the crowds and holding doors.

The turnout was ridiculous.  There were more than 45,000 people that were in attendance and about 40,000 watching online at any given time.  That on it's own was just super overwhelming.

This is the Georgia Dome and it's not even full yet.

What was the most overwhelming thing was the 27 million.  I didn't really know what this conference was about going into it but quickly found out that it was about Human Trafficking.

There are still 27 MILLION people in slavery.

That's an overwhelming number.

So here is something encouraging... as a group we were supposed to raise 1 million dollars to give to several anti-human trafficking organizations.  My generation stood UP and raised 3.6 million dollars.  Not to mention it brought so much attention to the cause.

Check out this article that CNN wrote on our event.

So here are my thoughts on everything:

I knew that slavery still existed and that this is a huge problem but it was an awesome opportunity to learn more and contribute what I could to the prevention and to help stop human trafficking.  I am also super encouraged that so many other people my age are willing to be part of the fight.

One thing that stuck with me personally was something that a speakers said.  She said that as Christians, we aren't meant to be working in corporate America.  I graduated college a few weeks ago and have been on the job search, so of course that is something I've been fighting with.

With so much greed, corruption, pain, poverty and hate out there, we as Christians shouldn't be wasting our time working in corporate America.  I know, I understand that the wealthy can definitely glorify God.  The only reason my group went on this trip is because someone paid for all of us.  I think what I'm really getting at is that we can't get caught up in corporate America and that if we are part of it, we still need to represent Christ.  You can't just horde money and stuff, you have to be giving and loving and help others too.  I DO think that we as Christians should be out loving and caring for the poor and sick.

I know now that I need to be picky with where I work.  I can't get caught up in wealth and greed and forget about people who are suffering.

I can't stand by and let injustice continue.