In case you're wondering why I want you to listen to music, it's because I want music to match and give a feel to what I'm writing about. Sometimes the lyrics match what I'm writing about, sometimes it's just the feel that the music has. Enjoy!
I've been leading worship for maybe about 4 or 5 years total. I had a long break for about a year that ended a few months ago. I've been leading at my church youth group, I've led at my college group about 4 times and I had two churches ask me to play at them recently.
The thing is, I'm not a great musician at all. Guitar is an instrument that you can slide by not really knowing anything about music. Unfortunately, as I've found out, it's still really hard to slide by.
God's grace is the only thing that makes me worthy and capable of leading worship. That is the only explanation of why someone who sometimes can't: keep rhythm, sing on key, not lose his voice during pre-worship practice and forgets chords, is leading worship. God sees me as worthy and makes me worthy.
I always feel attacked by spiritually before leading, the enemy always reminds that I'm not worthy and that I sound awful. So I always seek spiritual counsel.
Before worship I asked my friend to pray with me. He did, and then proceeded to tell me something. He told me that since everyone knows me, sees my heart, knows who I am, that it doesn't matter how I sound. Those who know me, will connect with God regardless partly because of my relationship with them. Those who will comment on the music probably aren't very focused on God anyway.
God will be glorified regardless of how I sound. Let's be honest, who do I think I am, that I can get in the way of God? That's a pretty conceited thing to think that I can somehow ruin worship and keep God's will from happening.
So worship started, and was going really great. I was worshipping God. About three songs in I started losing focus. Luckily, then we had a time that we were all supposed to pray individually. I started praying hardcore about the rest of worship, that I can worship God joyfully, stay focused on Him and that He would play through me.
After I finished my prayer, a friend walks up to the stage and hands me a note. Keep in mind, everyone else was still playing, so it wasn't distracting or anything.
Now, I'm still getting used to this kind of stuff happening. This is only the second time I've gotten a direct message from God. For most of my christianhood, I went to a church where the holy spirit was restricted. That's not the case at this church. God speaks through people.
The note said:
Dear Landon,
With me behind you, who can stop you?
I see your service, and thank you for doing it selflessly!
In your service my light is spread. You are my son,
and the desires of your heart are not unnoticed.
Rest in my love and my peace,
-God
That was exactly what I needed to hear at that exact time.
God backs up my ministry, He sees what is being done as good and as being done with a good heart.
I really just wanted to keep sharing with you all how God can be super active in your life if you let Him. You can also do really sweet things. I wouldn't be leading worship off my own power, I am in no way good enough, but God opened that door and pushed me through it.
